A question I frequently get after my 26th birthday last June,
“How do you feel after turning 25 y.o?”
Confused.
Different.
Empty.
Scared.
Sad.
Aging up has been really important to me, a naive kiddo, until 25 started.
In short, 25 for me means less time to see the world out there. Less chance to meet new people. Less energy to spend on something not important to me. Less fvcks given to others. Made me feel “Please take me back to 20 y.o” all the time. Losing appreciation for the life I’m living now. Confused at yourself and people around you.
At some point, starting 26 everything went apart. People come and go so fast. We live in faster paced of life, we grew apart with old friends, meeting only happens more in work and less in real life, losing contact with acquaintances and don’t know what to talk about once we really met, being stuck in social media life, looking at our phones, stuck in a routine we don’t actually want to do (but pretending we really enjoyed it for the sake of social media postings).
It’s really scary to know that we’re going to live like this for the rest of our lives. And the older I get, the more I realize I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to live like this. I want to run away, to be present in real life where things are genuine and appreciated. Where people could focus on living their lives and not just to work and be tired all the time, complaining about things they do but they still do it anyway because they had to (and the worse is we had to listen to this complaints all the time).
One different thing I feel from before, 25 made me realize that life is not so beautiful as it seems. I used to be a naive kid whose eyes had not been opened by reality. I have been through a lot of life’s phase. Losing, winning, betrayed, happy, sad, love, un-loved, Everything in this world is beautiful, or at least we can find even the slightest positive thing in every thing. Well, I could say reality hits me hard. Things we see as ‘beautiful’ are actually the worse thing we can imagine, covered with a mask.
Could life be more real? Or is it just me whose really confused, couldn’t make a difference between reality and imagination because things are not just the way I wanted it to be? Is it the ego inside me and my selfish thoughts trying to drown me?
All I know is, now I’m stuck in this reality, only manifesting the good, great, best thing to happen in the future.
xx July, 2024
